- What a beautiful belt you've got on! - Alice suddenly remarked.
(They had had quite enough of the subject of age, she thought: and if they
really were to take turns in choosing subjects, it was her turn now.) - At
least, - she corrected herself on second thoughts, - a beautiful cravat, I
should have said - no, a belt, I mean - I beg your pardon! - she added in
dismay, for Humpty Dumpty looked thoroughly offended, and she began to
wish she hadn't chosen that subject. - If I only knew, - the thought to
herself, 'which was neck and which was waist!
Evidently Humpty Dumpty was very angry, though he said nothing for a
minute or two. When he DID speak again, it was in a deep growl.
- It is a - MOST - PROVOKING - thing, - he said at last, - when a
person doesn't know a cravat from a belt!
- I know it's very ignorant of me, - Alice said, in so humble a tone
that Humpty Dumpty relented.
- It's a cravat, child, and a beautiful one, as you say. It's a
present from the White King and Queen. There now!
- Is it really? - said Alice, quite pleased to find that she HAD
chosen a good subject, after all.
- They gave it me, - Humpty Dumpty continued thoughtfully, as he
crossed one knee over the other and clasped his hands round it, - they
gave it me - for an un-birthday present.
- I beg your pardon? - Alice said with a puzzled air.
- I'm not offended, - said Humpty Dumpty.
- I mean, what IS and un-birthday present?
- A present given when it isn't your birthday, of course. Alice
considered a little. - I like birthday presents best, - she
said at last.
- You don't know what you're talking about! - cried Humpty Dumpty. -
How many days are there in a year?
- Three hundred and sixty-five, - said Alice.
- And how many birthdays have you?
- One.
- And if you take one from three hundred and sixty-five, what
remains?
- Three hundred and sixty-four, of course. Humpty Dumpty looked
doubtful. - I'd rather see that done on paper,
he said.
Alice couldn't help smiling as she took out her memorandum- book, and
worked the sum for him:

365
1
---
364
---

Humpty Dumpty took the book, and looked at it carefully. - That seems
to be done right - he began.
- You're holding it upside down! - Alice interrupted.
- To be sure I was! - Humpty Dumpty said gaily, as she turned it
round for him. - I thought it looked a little queer. As I was saying, that
SEEMS to be done right - though I haven't time to look it over thoroughly
just now - and that shows that there are three hundred and sixty-four days
when you might get un-birthday presents
- Certainly, - said Alice.
- And only ONE for birthday presents, you know. There's glory for
you!
- I don't know what you mean by "glory," - Alice said. Humpty Dumpty
smiled contemptuously. - Of course you don't - till I
tell you. I meant "there's a nice knock-down argument for you!"
- But "glory" doesn't mean "a nice knock-down argument," - Alice
objected.
- When _I_ use a word, - Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful
tone, - it means just what I choose it to mean - neither more nor less.
- The question is, - said Alice, - whether you CAN make words mean so
many different things.
- The question is, - said Humpty Dumpty, - which is to be master
that's all.
Alice was too much puzzled to say anything, so after a minute Humpty
Dumpty began again. - They've a temper, some of them -particularly verbs,
they're the proudest - adjectives you can do anything with, but not verbs
- however, _I_ can manage the whole of them! Impenetrability! That's what
_I_ say!
- Would you tell me, please, - said Alice - what that means?
- Now you talk like a reasonable child, - said Humpty Dumpty, looking
very much pleased. - I meant by "impenetrability" that we've had enough of
that subject, and it would be just as well if you'd mention what you mean
to do next, as I suppose you don't mean to stop here all the rest of your
life.
- That's a great deal to make one word mean, - Alice said in a
thoughtful tone.
- When I make a word do a lot of work like that, - said Humpty
Dumpty, - I always pay it extra.
- Oh! - said Alice. She was too much puzzled to make any other
remark.
- Ah, you should see - em come round me of a Saturday night, - Humpty
Dumpty went on, wagging his head gravely from side to side: - for to get
their wages, you know.
(Alice didn't venture to ask what he paid them with; and so you see I
can't tell YOU.)
- You seem very clever at explaining words, Sir, - said Alice. -
Would you kindly tell me the meaning of the poem called "Jabberwocky"?
- Let's hear it, - said Humpty Dumpty. - I can explain all the poems
that were ever invented - and a good many that haven't been invented just
yet.
This sounded very hopeful, so Alice repeated the first verse:

- Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

- That's enough to begin with, - Humpty Dumpty interrupted: - there
are plenty of hard words there. "BRILLIG" means four o'clock in the
afternoon - the time when you begin BROILING things for dinner.
- That'll do very well, - said Alice: and "SLITHY"?
- Well, "SLITHY" means "lithe and slimy." "Lithe" is the same as
"active." You see it's like a portmanteau - there are two meanings packed
up into one word.
- I see it now, - Alice remarked thoughtfully: - and what are
"TOVES"?
- Well, "TOVES - are something like badgers - they're something like
lizards - and they're something like corkscrews.
- They must be very curious looking creatures.
- They are that, - said Humpty Dumpty: - also they make their nests
under sun-dials - also they live on cheese.
- Andy what's the "GYRE" and to "GIMBLE"?
- To "GYRE" is to go round and round like a gyroscope. To "GIMBLE" is
to make holes like a gimblet.
- And "THE WABE" is the grass-plot round a sun-dial, I suppose? said
Alice, surprised at her own ingenuity.
- Of course it is. It's called "WABE," you know, because it goes a
long way before it, and a long way behind it
- And a long way beyond it on each side, - Alice added.
- Exactly so. Well, then, "MIMSY" is "flimsy and miserable" (there's
another portmanteau for you). And a "BOROGOVE" is a thing shabby-looking
bird with its feathers sticking out all round something like a live mop.
- And then "MOME RATHS"? - said Alice. - I'm afraid I'm giving you a
great deal of trouble.
- Well, a "RATH" is a sort of green pig: but "MOME" I'm not certain
about. I think it's short for "from home" - meaning that they'd lost their
way, you know.
- And what does "OUTGRABE" mean?
- Well, "OUTGRIBING" is something between bellowing and whistling,
with a kind of sneeze in the middle: however, you'll hear it done, maybe -
down in the wood yonder - and when you've once heard it you'll be QUITE
content. Who's been repeating all that hard stuff to you?
- I read it in a book, - said Alice. - But I had some poetry repeated
to me, much easier than that, by - Tweedledee, I think it was.
- As to poetry, you know, - said Humpty Dumpty, stretching out one of
his great hands, - _I_ can repeat poetry as well as other folk, if it
comes to that
- Oh, it needn't come to that! - Alice hastily said, hoping to keep
him from beginning.
- The piece I'm going to repeat, - he went on without noticing her
remark, - was written entirely for your amusement.
Alice felt that in that case she really OUGHT to listen to it, so she
sat down, and said - Thank you - rather sadly.

- In winter, when the fields are white,
I sing this song for your delight

only I don't sing it, - he added, as an explanation. - I see you
don't, - said Alice. - If you can SEE whether I'm singing or not, you're
sharper eyes
than most. - Humpty Dumpty remarked severely. Alice was silent.

- In spring, when woods are getting green,
I'll try and tell you what I mean.

- Thank you very much, - said Alice.

- In summer, when the days are long,
Perhaps you'll understand the song:
In autumn, when the leaves are brown,
Take pen and ink, and write it down.

- I will, if I can remember it so long, - said Alice.
- You needn't go on making remarks like that, - Humpty Dumpty said: -
they're not sensible, and they put me out.

- I sent a message to the fish:
I told them "This is what I wish."

The little fishes of the sea,
They sent an answer back to me.

The little fishes - answer was
"We cannot do it, Sir, because - "

- I'm afraid I don't quite understand, - said Alice.
- It gets easier further on, - Humpty Dumpty replied.

- I sent to them again to say
"It will be better to obey."

The fishes answered with a grin,
"Why, what a temper you are in!"

I told them once, I told them twice:
They would not listen to advice.

I took a kettle large and new,
Fit for the deed I had to do.

My heart went hop, my heart went thump;
I filled the kettle at the pump.

Then some one came to me and said,
"The little fishes are in bed."

I said to him, I said it plain,
"Then you must wake them up again."

I said it very loud and clear;
I went and shouted in his ear.

Humpty Dumpty raised his voice almost to a scream as he repeated this
verse, and Alice thought with a shudder, - I wouldn't have been the
messenger for ANYTHING!

- But he was very stiff and proud;
He said "You needn't shout so loud!"

And he was very proud and stiff;
He said "I'd go and wake them, if - "

I took a corkscrew from the shelf:
I went to wake them up myself.

And when I found the door was locked,
I pulled and pushed and knocked.

And when I found the door was shut,
I tried to turn the handle, but

There was a long pause. - Is that all? - Alice timidly asked. -
That's all, - said Humpty Dumpty. Good-bye.
This was rather sudden, Alice thought: but, after such a VERY strong
hint that she ought to be going, she felt that it would hardly be civil to
stay. So she got up, and held out her hand. - Good-bye, till we meet
again! - she said as cheerfully as she could.
- I shouldn't know you again if we DID meet, - Humpty Dumpty replied
in a discontented tone, giving her one of his fingers to shake; - you're
so exactly like other people.
- The face is what one goes by, generally, - Alice remarked in a
thoughtful tone.
- That - s just what I complain of, - said Humpty Dumpty. - Your face
is that same as everybody has - the two eyes, so - (marking their places
in the air with this thumb) - nose in the middle, mouth under. It's always
the same. Now if you had the two eyes on the same side of the nose, for
instance - or the mouth at the top - that would be SOME help.
- It wouldn't look nice, - Alice objected. But Humpty Dumpty only
shut his eyes and said - Wait till you've tried.
Alice waited a minute to see if he would speak again, but as he never
opened his eyes or took any further notice of her, she said - Good-bye! -
once more, and, getting no answer to this, she quietly walked away: but
she couldn't help saying to herself as she went, - Of all the
unsatisfactory - (she repeated this aloud, as it was a great comfort have
such a long word to say) - of all the unsatisfactory people I EVER met -
She never finished the sentence, for at this moment a heavy crash shook
the forest from end to end.



CHAPTER VII

The Lion and the Unicorn

The next moment soldiers cam running through the wood, at first in
twos and threes, then ten or twenty together, and at last in such crowds
that they seemed to fill the whole forest. Alice got behind a tree, for
fear of being run over, and watched them go by.
She thought that in all her life she had never seen soldiers so
uncertain on their feet: they were always tripping over something or
other, and whenever one went down, several more always fell over him, so
that the ground was soon covered with little heaps of men.
Then came the horses. Having four feet, these managed rather better
than the foot-soldiers: but even THEY stumbled now and then; and it seemed
to be a regular rule that, whenever a horse stumbled the rider fell off
instantly. The confusion got worse every moment, and Alice was very glad
to get out of the wood into an open place, where she found the White King
seated on the ground, busily writing in his memorandum-book.
- I've sent them all! - the Kind cried in a tone of delight, on
seeing Alice. - Did you happen to meet any soldiers, my dear, as you came
through the wood?
- Yes, I did, - said Alice: several thousand, I should think.
- Four thousand two hundred and seven, that's the exact number, - the
King said, referring to his book. - I couldn't send all the horses, you
know, because two of them are wanted in the game. And I haven't sent the
two Messengers, either. They're both gone to the town. Just look along the
road, and tell me if you can see either of them.
- I see nobody on the road, - said Alice.
- I only wish _I_ had such eyes, - the King remarked in a fretful
tone. - To be able to see Nobody! And at that distance, too! Why, it's as
much as _I_ can do to see real people, by this light!
All this was lost on Alice, who was still looking intently along the
road, shading her eyes with one hand. - I see somebody now! - she
exclaimed at last. - But he's coming very slowly - and what curious
attitudes he goes into! - (For the messenger kept skipping up and down,
and wriggling like an eel, as he came along, with his great hands spread
out like fans on each side.)
- Not at all, - said the King. - He's an Anglo-Saxon Messenger - and
those are Anglo-Saxon attitudes. He only does them when he's happy. His
name ia Haigha. - (He pronounced it so as to rhyme with - mayor.
- I love my love with an H, - Alice couldn't help beginning, -
because he is Happy. I hate him with an H, because he is Hideous. I fed
him with - with - with Ham-sandwiches and Hay. His name is Haigha, and he
lives
- He lives on the Hill, - the King remarked simply, without the least
idea that he was joining in the game, while Alice was still hesitating for
the name of a town beginning with H. - The other Messenger's called Hatta.
I must have TWO, you know - to come and go. Once to come, and one to go.
- I beg your pardon? - said Alice.
- It isn't respectable to beg, - said the King.
- I only meant that I didn't understand, - said Alice. - Why one to
come and one to go?
- Don't I tell you? - the King repeated impatiently. - I must have
Two - to fetch and carry. One to fetch, and one to carry.
At this moment the Messenger arrived: he was far too much out of
breath to say a word, and could only wave his hands about, and make the
most fearful faces at the poor King.
- This young lady loves you with an H, - the King said, introducing
Alice in the hope of turning off the Messenger's attention from himself -
but it was no use - the Anglo-Saxon attitudes only got more extraordinary
every moment, while the great eyes rolled wildly from side to side.
- You alarm me! - said the King. - I feel faint - Give me a ham
sandwich!
On which the Messenger, to Alice's great amusement, opened a bag that
hung round his neck, and handed a sandwich to the King, who devoured it
greedily.
- Another sandwich! - said the King.
- There's nothing but hay left now, - the Messenger said, peeping
into the bag.
- Hay, then, - the King murmured in a faint whisper. Alice was glad
to see that it revived him a good deal. - There's
nothing like eating hay when you're faint, - he remarked to her, as he
munched away.
- I should think throwing cold water over you would be better, Alice
suggested: - or some sal-volatile.
- I didn't say there was nothing BETTER, - the King replied. - I said
there was nothing LIKE it. - Which alice did not venture to deny.
- Who did you pass on the road? - the King went on, holding out his
hand to the Messenger for some more hay.
- Nobody, - said the Messenger.
- Quite right, - said the King: - this young lady saw him too. So of
course Nobody walks slower than you.
- I do my best, - the Messenger said in a sulky tone. - I'm sure
nobody walks much faster than I do!
- He can't do that, - said the King, - or else he'd have been here
first. However, now you've got your breath, you may tell us what's
happened in the town.
- I'll whisper it, - said the Messenger, putting his hands to his
mouth in the shape of a trumpet, and stooping so as to get close to the
King's ear. Alice was sorry for this, as she wanted to hear the news too.
However, instead of whispering, he simply shouted at the top of his voice
- They're at it again!
- Do you call THAT a whisper? - cried the poor King, jumping up and
shaking himself. - If you do such a thing again, I'll have you buttered!
It went through and through my head like an earthquake!
- It would have to be a very tiny earthquake! - thought Alice. - Who
are at it again? - she ventured to ask.
- Why the Lion and the Unicorn, of course, - said the King.
- Fighting for the crown?
- Yes, to be sure, - said the King: - and the best of the joke is,
that it's MY crown all the while! Let's run and see them. - And they
trotted off, Alice repeating to herself, as she ran, the words of the old
song:

- The Lion and the Unicorn were fighting for the crown:
The Lion beat the Unicorn all round the town.
Some gave them white bread, some gave them brown;
Some gave them plum-cake and drummed them out of town.

- Does - the one - that wins - get the crown? - she asked, as well as
she could, for the run was putting her quite out of breath.
- Dear me, no! - said the King. - What an idea!
- Would you - be good enough, - Alice panted out, after running a
little further, - to stop a minute - just to get - one's breath again?
- I'm GOOD enough, - the King said, - only I'm not strong enough. You
see, a minute goes by so fearfully quick. You might as well try to stop a
Bandersnatch!
Alice had no more breath for talking, so the trotted on in silence,
till they came in sight of a great crowd, in the middle of which the Lion
and Unicorn were fighting. They were in such a cloud of dust, that at
first Alice could not make out which was which: but she soon managed to
distinguish the Unicorn by his horn.
They placed themselves close to where Hatta, the other messenger, was
standing watching the fight, with a cup of tea in one hand and a piece of
bread-and-butter in the other.
- He's only just out of prison, and he hadn't finished his tea when
he was sent in, - Haigha whispered to Alice: - and they only give them
oyster-shells in there - so you see he's very hungry and thirsty. How are
you, dear child? - he went on, putting his arm affectionately round
Hatta's neck.
Hatta looked round and nodded, and went on with his bread and butter.
- Were you happy in prison, dear child? - said Haigha.
Hatta looked round once more, and this time a tear or two trickled
down his cheek: but not a word would he say.
- Speak, can't you! - Haigha cried impatiently. But Hatta only
munched away, and drank some more tea.
- Speak, won't you! - cried the King. 'How are they getting on with
the fight?
Hatta made a desperate effort, and swallowed a large piece of
bread-and-butter. - They're getting on very well, - he said in a choking
voice: - each of them has been down about eighty-seven times.
- Then I suppose they'll soon bring the white bread and the brown?
Alice ventured to remark.
- It's waiting for 'em now, - said Hatta: - this is a bit of it as
I'm eating.
There was a pause in the fight just then, and the Lion and the
Unicorn sat down, panting, while the King called out - Ten minutes allowed
for refreshments! - Haigha and Hatta set to work at once, carrying rough
trays of white and brown bread. Alice took a piece to taste, but it was
VERY dry.
- I don't think they'll fight any more to-day, - the King said to
Hatta: - go and order the drums to begin. - And Hatta went bounding away
like a grasshopper.
For a minute or two Alice stood silent, watching him. Suddenly she
brightened up. - Look, look! - she cried, pointing eagerly. "There's the
White Queen running across the country! She came flying out of the wood
over yonder - How fast those Queens CAN run!
- There's some enemy after, her no doubt, - the King said, without
even looking round. - That wood's full of them.
- But aren't you going to run and help her? - Alice asked, very much
surprised at his taking it so quietly.
- No use, no use! - said the King. - She runs so fearfully quick. You
might as well try to catch a Bandersnatch! But I'll make a memorandum
about her, if you like - She's a dear good creature, - he repeated softly
to himself, as he opened his memorandum-book. - Do you spell "creature"
with a double "e"?
At this moment the Unicorn sauntered by them, with his hands in his
pockets. - I had the best of it this time? - he said to the King, just
glancing at him as he passed.
- A little - a little, - the King replied, rather nervously. - You
shouldn't have run him through with your horn, you know.
- It didn't hurt him, - the Unicorn said carelessly, and he was going
on, when his eye happened to fall upon Alice: he turned round rather
instantly, and stood for some time looking at her with an air of the
deepest disgust.
- What - is - this? - he said at last.
- This is a child! - Haigha replied eagerly, coming in front of Alice
to introduce her, and spreading out both his hands towards her in an
Anglo-Saxon attitude. - We only found it to-day. It's as large as life,
and twice as natural!
- I always thought they were fabulous monsters! - said the Unicorn. -
Is at alive?
- It can talk, - said Haigha, solemnly. The Unicorn looked dreamily
at Alice, and said - Talk, child. Alice could not help her lips curing up
into a smile as she began:
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